Get your new nose NOW, with DIY cosmetic surgery - only $7.50

Nose too wide? Embarrassed by your cavernous nostrils? Well, not any more with 'CoCo – Beautiful New Look of Nose'. Once again, Texyt's team of investigative journalists embedded in Asia have searched high and low to bring you another amazing scientific breakthrough from the shelves of their local supermarket.

cleopatra nose clip close up

Just leave this dainty clip tightly clamped on your nose at all times, and watch your face become more beautiful every day until you ultimately attain a 'Cleopatra Nose'. Your transformation could take place within days, or even months.

Don't worry about it clashing with the rest of your wardrobe, because it's now available in both pink and blue!

cleopatra clothes peg pinkcleopatra_nose_clip_pack

CoCo – Beautiful New Look of Nose is available at discerning stores in Japan, Korea and Taiwan from only $7.50. Why spend more on expensive plastic surgery and fancy doctors when you can just 'do it yourself'?

What are they smoking?

Here's the back of the product package. We offer the translation (below) in the spirit of fun rather than strict accuracy.

cleopatra_nose_clip package back

1. "Hey my friend! You have a wide nose. Incidentally, I had a wide nose before, but thanks to 'CoCo – Beautiful New Look of Nose', my gargantuan proboscis is a thing of the past. Check it out!"

. "Awesome! I can watch this convenient mirror and see my nose slimming down even as I drive my car. Oops, sorry about your kid, lolz!"
3. "Just a few more months of this torture, and I'll I have a Cleopatra Nose like that big-haired famous lady on TV. Or perhaps the restricted blood flow will just make my nose drop off. Problem solved either way!"
. "By keeping this unobtrusive clip on while I sleep, I can accelerate the nose-altering process! I know I just need to persevere and my hitherto dreary life will be utterly transformed by my new petite schnozzer.

Gosh, I really hope I get my new nose before I suffer further brain damage from the oxygen starvation caused by my self-induced sleep apnea."

Quick, bring out some science

According to the science department at Texyt Labs, this product isn't quite as ridiculous as it seems. Actually, your face or body shape CAN be gradually altered by this kind of steady pressure. Anybody who has had an ear (or other appendage) pierced has experienced this – if you don't keep the hole open, it'll slowly close up.

But we dread to imagine what kind of misshapen nose you could end up with, if this gimcrack $7.50 contraption goes awry. Not to mention the embarrassment of constantly looking like a synchronized swimmer who forgot to take her nose clip off.

Hey, but if you do want to take the plunge, don't forget: there's nothing to prevent you applying this to other body parts you want reshaped


3M's Sticky Bear is VERY Pleased to See You

Unintentionally hilarious product design or subversive moral commentary? 3M is selling these cute self-adhesive hooks in Asia. Just take a look at 3M's colorful, friendly animal pals with their handy hooks to hang your stuff on.

Hmm... but those hooks are positioned rather, er... prominently, aren't they? That bear definitely has a reason to grin, you could say he's um... bursting to meet you.

But wait, there's more. If bears aren't your thing, 3M also has a frog, a cat and a monkey. Mix it up, why don't you?

And in case you're not sure what to do with such a big stiff hook, check out the serving suggestions on the top corner of each package: “follow me, hug me, kiss me.”

By the way, there's some innovative new technology in use here. The self-adhesive hooks feature 3M's new re-usable Command adhesive, which can keep sticking and sticking, again and again, and still come back for more. No, we're not making this up.

If you liked this story, then you might like this one, too:

Why does this attractive woman have a clothes peg on her nose? Click here to find out

[Oddments is a new section on Texyt.com. It's for things which are trivial, but interesting or amusing – that's why it's separate from the front page and the main news/features section. Content may be slightly NSFW sometimes.]